Dead Like Me

if ever life will give me a million reasons to forget you, then i’ll find a million and one ways not to. if my life will be taken just because you need to live, then i’ll give you my life. if you can’t see then i’ll give you my sight, without any hesitations, questions, and doubts. if you need some love, well, i’m half-full and am willing to give you my everything.

if i could just give you all of these then maybe i’m gone. i don’t care, at least i can see you perfectly happy, you’re such a person i can call a love but the person that never will be mine.

i write for heartaches and pain

i write for sorrows and tears

i write for happy moments and bitter endings

i write for smiles and frowns

i write to sing and scream

i write to be understood

i write to be heard

i write to see tomorrow

i write to remember the past

i write to fly

i write to fade

i write for me to be happy

i write for me to cry

i write to see who i am

i write to know how i feel

i write simply because there’s laughter and jaded dreams

On my way to happiness I found the pieces of my broken heart. I picked them and let it slid my fingers. It fell on the clouds, the clouds died. The clouds bled. The clouds mourned. The air wept. The air told the land, it spoke of heartache and pain, he spoke of hatred and fear, of broken dreams and bent forever. The sea heard the pain and overflowed. It splashed its angst by the seawall; the waves rolled and curled of its bitterness. The depth of the water drowned every sorrow and swallowed the blackness and stillness of the soul. Then a man came from nowhere. He has a smile that can melt the sun, a hand that can hold the sea’s anger, eyes that can see through my sufferings and a mouth that can speak of truth and love. I looked as he walks towards me. He asked, "Why are you alone in this cold world?" I answered, "I’m just collecting the pieces of my broken heart." "Who broke your heart?" he replied. " A man I always loved but left me jaded", with tears in my eyes I slowly grasp the remaining pieces in my hands, held it close to my chest. He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Cry no more because I am the man who’ve always loved you and will love you forever." The pieces fell from my hands. I then realized, why do I need to put back my broken pieces when the love I was looking for was never broken.

bakit minsan kapag nagmahal ka e wala sa tamang panahon at nauukol sa maling tao… biktima ako nito ng maraming taon at hanggang ngayon ganito pa rin… nagdaan ang maraming araw at marami akong nakilala, nakausap at nagustuhan, ngunit ano ito? pagkakita ko sa kanya aba’t tumibok yaring puso! ang corny pakinggan pero totoo… ilang beses ko na din nadama ang ganito pero kapag tuluyan na akong nahuhulog may balitang dumadating na siya pala ay may tinatangi na nang iba… ouch! masaket… si um, si eh, at si ah… aba at tatlo na pala sila! pare-parehong istorya… iisa ang tema… iisa ang bida… iisa ang talunan… ako… sa larangan ng pagibig kulelat talaga ako pero sa pagbibigay ng payong puso eh numero uno ako dyan! ewan ko ba, siguro ang landas na patutunguhan ko e maging tagapayo sa mga pusong may lamat… pero eto ako sarili kong lamat e di ko mapagaling… kumbaga sa fairytale eh naghintay ng matagal ang princess para sa pag ibig na wagas, isispin mo na lang si sleeping beauty, natulog ng mapakahabang panahon upang gisingin ng isang halik ng prince charming… kung ako si sleeping beauty pagkagising ko e sasampalin ko si prince charming at sasabihin ko na, "ang tagal mo naman, sana noon ka pa dumating, noong marunong pa akong magmahal."

tama. hindi na ako marunong magmahal. nakakapagod maghintay at magpakaburyo sa mg pangarap na di natutupad. nakakaamag mag isip. nakakapanis humanga. sa paulit ulit na pagkabigo, nakakamanhid. pakiramdam ko minsan nakakalbo na ako. nakakapanghina tumayo at magmahal ulit, yun bang ikaw lang ang nagmamahal sa kanya at hindi niya alam kasi di mo pwedeng sabihin o ipadama kasi hindi talaga pwede. kakapaksyet yun! si um at si eh, footah taon ang binilang ko bago ako nag sawa, si um, walang kapaga-pagasa. si eh, wheee…. ewan ko makita ko lang sya masaya na ako, pero kung paano kung kausapin nya ako? wahu! ang saya ko! heaven pare! pula langit! he3! etong si ah bago pa lang e nasaktan na ako.. huwaphak!

sana hindi na lang naimbemto yung palihim na pagmamahal kasi nakakapagod. sabi nga ng kaibigang kong si luis, "ayoko nang ipursue, all this years of loving her (in my case, him) and not doing anything about it, I’m finally moving on, I’m letting go."

eto ang expertise ko…. MOVING ON… LETTING GO… and BEING NUMB…

lumilipas ang maghapon at walang pagbabago sa buhay…. oras ay tumatakbo at ang pagtanda’y naglalakad… minsan naisip ko kung tinakda ba talaga na madalas akong lumuha…nakaguhit sa sa aking palad na malimit akong mabigo…. at nakaikot ba sa aking tala na ako’y lumaki na walang wala… sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay halos wala pang kalahati ang aking alam, madalas akong mag isip kung ano ba talaga ang kelangan ko pang matutunan upang matawag ko ang buhay na…. KUMPLETO…. sino bang dapat kong kausapin, makilala, matularan… ngunit minsan naiisip ko ako lang ang may sagot ng buhay na ako ang nagpapatakbo… pero madalas pagliko ko nababangga ako’t nawawasak… dito nagsisimula ang pagpatak ng luha… dito umaagos ang sidhi ng pangungulila at bahid ng kalungkutan… nung pinitik ako ng tadhana di ko naramdaman… ngayon pagluha sa gabi at buntung hininga sa magdamag ang aking kapiling… walang hanggang pag iisa ang aking nadarama… kapiling ko ang lungkot na sa hangin ay dumadampi lagi sa aking pisngi… akala ko lahat ng kaibigan ko ay tutulong sa pagpawi nito pero hindi pala…. dumagdag pa ang iba… ngayon iilan lang ang humahaplos at pumapawi… nadarama ko hanggang sa kaibuturan ng aking puso ang pagluha at pagluluksa… kelan kaya matatapos ang paghikbi ng aking puso?

my two nights (may 25&26) at mayrics (infront of UST) are well spent. i watched slapshock’s gig first day and the 2nd day was spent with sugarfree listers…

This was the first time i went on a gig for a band i really really like! we’ll technically i aminlove with slapshock and i adore sugarfree.. i am living the life of a free man, watching people i like and making me feel that music is my life (and my life is music)

My friend Chel and I interviewed Rooster (I just tagged along with her its her assignment anyways) and man oh man they the nicest blokes I’ve ever met from London! These lads are talented and know the craft of rocking and Rollin’… my friend fancies nick soooo much and on the other hand I am admire (fancy as well) Luke on how he played the guitar. They’re blastedly bloody good! As the interview at intercontinental hotel we followed them at Glorietta just in front of the hotel. They played and perform as brilliant as they look! After the performance I can’t help but fall in line and have my cod signed. When it’s my turn they remembered me immediately and nick asked how was the performance? I said it was good. When I turned to Dave (Dave) "hey its you, I remember you! How was it?" I replied with the sweetest smile that it was good. (Me) will you come back here (Philippines)? (Dave) hope soon and hope we get a day off to relax and check the beaches. It’s pretty hot! (Me) I know you better wipe yourself your dripping. (Dave) rolled his eyes agreeing to what I said. I turned to been, (Ben) hey I remember you! How was it? (Me) its good hope you come back. (Ben) I hope too. Then he gave he a warm well-gripped shake hand. Mind you I don’t want to let go! Lastly it was Luke. (Luke) I remember you! *Told ya they all remembered me, whew! * (Me) yeah, that was good! (Luke) thanks! (Me) can I ask you a favor? (Luke) yeah what? (Me) can you kiss me *pointing at my cheeks* (Luke) oh… *i dunno if he was shy or he was shocked* (me) can i kiss you? Should I kiss you or should you kiss me? (Luke) okay. He stood up and gave me a kiss. That was the most amazing day in my life, my first ever kiss from a guy! *Sissy me, heehaw* asides from their amazing looks they know their craft and good at it, pretty good! They don’t mind if most of their fans are girls they know that if there are girls probably there are boys (makes sense, right!). Reviewed their cd and my favorite is joyride, come get some & platinum blind. When I saw them perform the aura that nick projects is like Brandon Boyd (incubus). Their music can be compared to incubus, maroon 5, aerosmith and the likes.. Luke’s guitar puts the rock in the band. Ben’s backing vocals and bass are excellent. And to top it all Dave’s drumming sound pumps the entire song. Hope they come back here and definitely my friend and I will watch no matter what!

eversince i felt this, i never knew what to do. even if i try to get you off my mind, i still see a reason for me to remember you. i try to suppress this feeling but, as they say; “the more youu hide, the more it shows”.
now, what will i do? will i say it or will i keep it? what if i get rejected? if she doesn’t like me after all? what if she’s already taken? wil that hurt me? Of Course!!! am i stupid to fall for her and yet pretend that i’m not hurting inside.
what am i gonna do? she’s the one i admire and desire, i admit i get shy whenever she’s near, i often get scared getting close to her because i don’t want to see her imperfections. she made me blind by seeing thode imperfections perfectly. but what’s the use when i’ll only learn she’s for someone new. what will i do will i be blue forever? mybe in my ownself, in my heart she’s the one i really, really love!
i heard something that pierced my herat and i don’t know if it’s right. i just see you perfectly. Love really made me blind. if there’s gotta be someway to hold you, i’ll never ever let you go! but if i see you not happy with me then i’ll have to let you go and wish that someday you’ll find your way back to me. if ever you’ll go away because of destiny, then i’ll live not of destiny but by free will. if ever you’e leaving because of somebody, just remember that whoever he is he’s really lucky ot have you, as for me i’ll live in torment that only you can mend and only time can heal. if ever you can read this, the message is so clear, no matter what happens, no matter what will come, you’re always hee in my heart. you know the saying: “my heart beats for you but your heart beats for i don’t know who”. maybe someday i’ll find someone like you, maybe greater than you. i don’t want to lie but……nothing compares to you! maybe thats the reason why I LOVE YOU SO!

i have a friend who’s so inlove with her gf now, beforehand he has a gf who’s much younger than he was, the relationship didn’t last long. scenario is, my friend has to go to his parents at the US and they’ll be having a long distance realtionship, which in laymans term is we’re-together-but-i-can’t-be-with-you-all-the-time type of relationship. apparently, relationship grows because of constant communication and knowing the perosn you’re in love with more and more. in his case that didn’t happen and after a couple of months they had a problem, they split. he have to stay for 6 months and being the younger one in the realtionship she wanted to be pampered and looked after, that’s what she wanted from him which he can’t give for the next 6 months. he was down in the dumps for quite a while but then a lost love came back. after wallowing over the younger girl he then realized he loved the one that should be burried in the past. they became a couple even he’s not in manila yet, but he had a problem. the girl had a fling and she was human enough to admit it to him. time passed and my friend went home. he’s now enjoying his time with the gf he was looking for and probably will be the last gf he’ll have. i simply wish.

another male friend. he was inlove with a girl friend that was the gf of a common friend. i was pushing him to ask the girl out so he can take advantage of the situation, the bf was in the US for some time and the girl was asking my friend out. i always tell him that maybe the girl fancies her as well, but he shrugged his shoulders and said "no". hmpf! freakin’ male friend! he fancied her for a long time up until he saw his old classmate before and she has a kid. he was the godfather. then he realized that he’s inlove with the wrong girl. he told me that he’s willing to be the father of the child which the bf left as a "souviner" of their then sweet relationship. hmpf! men! i asked if he’s serious enough to do that. without batting an eyelash he said YES!

i haven’t been inlove but the people that surrounds me teaches me more that i can imagine. i am learning from their experience, i gain knowledge from their mistakes and cry over their frustrations. they say never cry over spilled milk but what if that milk is worth crying for?  what if that was the milk you were looking for a lifetime? i know crying won’t change everything but it will lessen the pain and release the hatered one shoudn’t have. falling inlove and being inlove has lots of ups and downs, you can’t find the perfect partner but learning to live with their imperfection will make the relationship perfect.

Misterio
Slapshock

[Tumatawag, Naghihintay!]
Sa tuwing pag-gising mo…
[Lumilingon Papalayo!]
Sa tuwing pag-titig mo…

Nagtataka kung bakit ka pa nag-iisa
bawat lungkot bumabalot ang iyong tuwa
napapawi ang lumbay…
Dahil sayo…Dahil sayo…[Dahil sayo!]
lumiliwanag ang buhay…
Dahil sayo…Dahil sayo…[Dahil sato!]

[Sumisigaw bawat araw!]
ng makikita ka…
[Natatanaw ko ang mundo!]
sa iyong mga mata…

Nagtataka kung bakit ka ba nag-iisa
bawat lungkot bumabalot ang iyong tuwa
napapawi ang lumbay…
Dahil sayo…Dahil sayo…[Dahil sayo!]
lumiliwanag ang buhay…