Dead Like Me

minsan naisip ko na kaya ko bang magulo ang buhay ko ng dahil sa kanya.. sumagot ako (parang baliw noh).. oo kaya ko… tatanggapin ko lahat lahat para sa kanya… titiisin ko lahat ng sakit.. di ko naman sinabi na maging akin sya habang buhay… i’ll just borrow a piece of heaven… konti lang… kapraso lang… pagkatapos wala na… no regrets… walang pagsisisi… wala akong sisisihin… ganoon ko sya kamahal… tumalikod man ang buong mundo sa akin ayos lang basta maranasan ko ang minsan na minahal nya, kahit kunyaring pagmamahal lang… well, sa pagsisinungaling na mahal nya ako e kayang kaya nya… paniwalain nya lang ako kahit minsan masaya na ako… ganito ako ka TANGA at ka GAGA…

I was thinking of a word that can describe you. I was thinking of a place where I can forget you. I try to find the right emotion that I am feeling now. I look for each person I came across. Every corner seems dimmed, every person blurred and lifeless. Then I suddenly saw you. Your face calm and happy. Your lips full of laughter. Your eyes spakling with joy. Your happiness means a lot to me. You enjoy the night while I suffer in grief. I know I can’t have you. I know I can’t be with you. All I know is I Love You more than I love myself. I can’t tell you because you might laugh. You might ignore me. You might think I’m nothing. For I know you cannot love me the way I am loving you now. If I tell you, I will just hurt myself more than I am hurting now.

They say that when you love someone you give that someone the power to hurt you. For me, not just hurt you but kills you as well.